In my final semester of college, I spent an above-average amount of time not sleeping. I can attribute part of my nocturnal habits to actual insomnia, another part to excessive study habits, and a final part to attending celebratory functions (i.e. parties). To avoid body-crippling hangovers 5 out of 7 nights of the week, I developed a flawless system, one that kept me afloat senior year. Below, I bestow upon you this magical path to morning-after bliss.
Step 1: You’re gonna want to gather some essentials before you head out. Stash a few plastic wrapped saltine crackers on your nightstand, along with a full water bottle and a couple ibuprofen tablets. For advanced readers, go ahead and bring out your staple box of cheezits (you’ll thank me later).
Step 2: PARTY.
Step 3: Return to your place of residence.
Step 4: Consume all aforementioned foods.
Step 5: Regress to childhood by watching 1-2 full-length Boy Meets World episodes on YouTube (don’t worry, I’ve added one at the bottom for your viewing pleasure). As you will soon discover, there’s so much wholesome goodness packed into one 22-minute show that any queasy stomach problems you may have encountered at the end of the night will be whisked away by 90’s power couple, Cory and Topanga.
Aaaand voila! You’ve gone from collegiate zombie to spritely young adult, ready to take on the world.*
*Note: sadly, this effective 5-step program is untested on post-graduates, because at this stage in life you end up actually taking on the world, and thus, require no assistance dealing with your non-existent hangover. Instead, I suggest jumping straight to step 5 and casually balling your eyes out while pondering your lost youth.